A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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