Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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