and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
