Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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