I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize