I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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