it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
