Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
