We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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