making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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