Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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