So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
