How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
