I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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