Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
