I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Still dying that you shit outside
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
