I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize