she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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