It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
