Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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