what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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