do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
