seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
