she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need to align my fucking chakras
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