last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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