There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
