i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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