they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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