the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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