don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
