I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
