Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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