i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
