these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
