It's Friday. Sex?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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