I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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