hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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