Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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