Ambien. No doubt about it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
