It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
