So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize