It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
is that a dick in a sweater?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
