Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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