You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
