My friends, they love my intelligence
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
