I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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