they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
