it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
