Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
