Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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