oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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