I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
