The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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