im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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