when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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