His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
