It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
