Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
