I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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