the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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