So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
