Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
