areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize