i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
