Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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