The maid of honor just puked.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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