Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
