This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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