If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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