I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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