Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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