Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
