i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
