those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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