I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
