the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
