Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
