can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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