just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
