Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize