i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
