Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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