In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
