If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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