Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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