I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
