just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
