can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
