i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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