Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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