Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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