i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
