1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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