I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
