Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
