Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
