yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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