I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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