I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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