i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Boobs speak an international language.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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