I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
