Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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