farters have to be the big spoon...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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