it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
