i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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