im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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